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Mother’s Day

May 13th, 2007 by

Mother’s Day has always made me a bit sad. As a child, having no car, no ability to drive, no job and therefore no money, Meg and I relied on my dad to get the job done. But my dad isn’t very good at stuff like that so we often wouldn’t have anything to give our mom. We’d try and cook or make her things but we never felt these gifts were adequate for the amount of work, time, effort and love she put into being a mother.

After my first round of miscarriages, I began to all-out dread the holiday. I was finally able to honor my mom appropriately, but now it became a day from which I was excluded. I desperately wanted to be included in the celebration but despite Scott and my best attempts, four Mother’s Days came and went without an invitation.

I am now finally a mother. I could not love being a mother more. Nicholas is the light of my life. But I am still not looking forward to Mother’s Day. What is it then? I think it is because I know that there are other women out there that feel the way I felt. Even though I now have the title of Mother, many other “mothers” do not. I have never liked exclusion – being part of it or witnessing it. Therefore, in an attempt to enjoy this day and get over my bitterness, I would like to recognize all of those women who are mothers in one way or another yet may feel excluded from this day: birth mothers, foster mothers, step mothers, mothers-in-waiting, women childless not by choice, etc. You are all mothers in your own right and deserve to be celebrated as well.

Our birth mother is a phenomenal woman. Despite her young age, she demonstrated a bravery, selflessness and wisdom that many will never even come close to exhibiting. Out of love alone for her child, she chose to keep her baby, carry him to term, give birth to him and then place him in our home and allow Scott and I to raise him. I can not think of a more motherly act.

Mary is beautiful, intelligent, and kind. She is passionate about the environment and in the sweetest and most unassuming way really gets you to change your behaviors accordingly. Although I am not yet a vegetarian, I am constantly saying to myself “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle” in that order. She has made me a better person.

Today, Mary, I would like to honor you. I thank you for finally inviting me to be a part of the Mother’s Day club at the sacrifice of your own full participation in it. But you are a mother too, you are Niko’s birth mother, and we all love you.

Thank you for your unbelievable gift and happy Mother’s Day. And a happy Mother’s Day to ALL of you other mothers out there as well.

No title necessary In the chair

7 Comments »

7 Responses to “Mother’s Day”

  1. on 13 May 2007 at 11:35 am   crystal

    Hey J,
    I too feel the same way, having so many friends / family who struggle – on my blog I just said happy moms day to all those who have moms because i was really feeling the same way. but your post… wow. that is much better put. It is so nice of you to say what you said and I am sure that you will make many women happy today – Mary and many others – and your compassion toward those who are not mothers but want to be is … lovely.

  2. on 13 May 2007 at 12:25 pm   Gran-mart

    Julie,

    Your father gave me what I cherish most – you and your sister.

    My admiration for Mary (and Jon) grows each day, especially after reading “Kid.”

    I’m very happy that Nicholas has so many wonderful people who love him. And Julie, it’s okey to have a totally awesome Mother’s Day for yourself. I love you. Momma

  3. on 13 May 2007 at 12:39 pm   Gran-mart

    Julie,

    I just remembered one of the best Mother’s Day I had.
    You were about 13 or 14 and went over someone’s house to do a project. I picked you up and while we were driving home Bette Midler’s song “Wind Beneath My Wings” came on. I hadn’t heard it before but made a point to listen very closely when you said, “Mom, if I could drive and had some money, I would have bought you this tape for Mother’s Day because that’s how I feel about you.” I cried for years whenever that song came on the radio and you know I don’t cry.

    What a gift.
    Love, Mart

  4. on 14 May 2007 at 4:47 am   Bunky & Carolyn Baumann

    Julie,

    1st Happy 1st Mothers Day! I am reading this at work and crying. Thanks for that. All I can say is as you know I fall into two categories here. Took 4 years to get pregnant and another almost 4 years to know the joy of adoption. I feel very fortunate that I have my two chicks. You have said it all for all those birth mothers who have given the most wonderful gift they could to mothers like us. I have the best of both worlds and I am just so very very happy for you that you now know what it feels like to be a Mom. Thank you Mary…………..

    Can’t wait to see you.

    Love Ya
    Carol

  5. on 14 May 2007 at 3:53 pm   J BiFa

    Beautiful Julie. Poignant and generous. You are a blessing to us all. Even if you struggle to celebrate yourself, we, your friends and family, honor you on this day. HMD to my fav AdMo ever!

  6. on 16 May 2007 at 12:55 pm   Sejal Patel

    Julie,
    What beautiful words – they definitely reminded me how lucky any one of us is to become a parent, that it is a privilege. Hope you were able to enjoy the day after all.

  7. on 16 May 2007 at 8:26 pm   Maureen G

    HI Julie, I am so happy for you celebrating your first Mothers Day! I look forward to the day that I will able to be a Mom as well and your story gives me hope. Your little boy is absolutely adorable and seems like such a treasure. What a beautiful gift! It is wonderful that you honored the birth mother as you did and Thank You for acknowledging the woman out there that would like to be mom’s but for one reason or another are unable or are Mom’s -in-waiting. (I really like that one!)

    Thank you again for your beautiful words.